Are you too nice? 3 tips to give you back your edge

Being a nice person is like a superpower. On paper it seems like you have all the tools needed to make friends, gain a good reputation and become a popular well liked person.

Sadly like all superpowers it contains a big weakness, and your kryptonite is the very thing you are trying to achieve.

By trying to be too nice you are in essence giving up your powers. When you do everything in your power to please people and to avoid any possible confrontation, good or bad, you are sacrificing your true self and in the long term this could lead to a loss of respect, both from your peers and more importantly, from yourself.

So here are three way to shut down that passive, nice version of you and to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

1. Learn to say what you mean

You know those awkward situations where you really want to say something, I mean REALLY want to say something but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. You bite you lip and hope that the moment passes. It does of course, they always do but invariably you think back to this moment, and many others like it with a feeling of disappointment.

You should have said what was on your mind.

Yet again you have avoided a possible confrontation because of what, fear or Embarrassment?

Don’t fret, most people try to avoid any kind of confrontation as to be honest, it’s usually pretty uncomfortable at the best of times. It doesn’t matter if you trying to tell someone that they about to make a big mistake or you want to tell someone how you feel about them. It’s far easier to just remain in your comfort zone and let things slide.

Maybe you were asked a specific question which requires an answer you don’t think the other person wants to hear.

‘Does my bum look big in this?’

I think we’ve all been on the receiving end of that one.

Seriously though, we think that by avoiding confrontation we are doing the noble thing. That being an agreeable person is somehow the best option.

It isn’t.

This form of passive aggressive behaviour will make people feel uncomfortable in the long run. It is an unattractive trait that pushes people away. It pushes opportunities away. It’s an invisible barrier to success.

Be the kind of person that isn’t afraid of speaking up if you think it’s needed. If you want something never be afraid of asking for it. Don’t go along with a plan if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

You have a voice, use it.

2. Start putting yourself first for a change

You may have been brought up believing in the idea that you must share and share alike, to put other people’s needs before your own and that anything that opposes this notion is deemed to be selfish.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Anyone who ever made anything of themselves in this world did so because they had a goal in mind and they went for it. They had a single mindedness that couldn’t fail to bring success. Yet many times along their journey they would have been presented with opportunities to take a back seat, to let something or someone else gain an advantage.

They ignored them.

Often when trying to gain a promotion at work you will be competing with somebody you know, maybe even a friend. If you truly want this position there can be no room for sentiment.

Successful people put themselves first in these situations.

I’m not saying you should win by any means necessary as your integrity is worth more than a cheap victory, but do everything you can, ethically and morally to gain an advantage.

Moving away from work for a moment, let’s take a look at relationships.

It says everything about your character if you want to put your partner first. To make sure they have everything they need before you pay attention to yourself, it’s the mark of a genuinely good person. But proceed with caution, there are limits.

Relationships should be 50/50. They must have an equal amount of give and take to maintain happiness and longevity. If you are giving and giving but feel like your needs are taking a back seat then you must look to change something. Take back some control and allow yourself the chance to be happy.

Everything you do in life, every change you wish to make starts inside. By being the person you want to become, you will be in a far better position to share who you are and to help others.

3. Grab those opportunities when they arise

If there is one thing you don’t want to have in your life it is regret.

The saying goes that you can only regret the things you don’t do, which is incorrect; you can regret anything that doesn’t fall in line with who you are as a person.

If your main intention is to go through life without ruffling a few feathers along the way then you are supressing your natural instinct for change. Not striking when the iron is hot is a sign that you lack confidence and when we refuse to leave our comfort zone it is as much about not wanting to upset those around us as it is a fear of the unknown.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of worrying how your actions will affect others. You might be worried that taking that promotion might mean that your friends or family will be angry with you for not spending as much time with them as they would like. You might also be worried that becoming a success may cause some resentment towards you.

It’s totally fine to weigh up the options and to be wary of making the wrong decision but there is a difference between doing something for the right reasons and doing something out of fear.

Try not to be afraid of going for it. Don’t fight your instincts, embrace them.

Be true to yourself because if you’re not then everything else becomes a lie.